A Tribute to My Friend Until the Very End: Ralph De La Rosa

Ralph taught us to transcend trauma into dharma and showed us that the door to the cage isn't locked

This is a message to you that I never wanted to write.

We lost one of the most innovative, creative, and loving beings this world has ever known - and a dear friend of mine, Ralph De La Rosa, LCSW.

Ralph completely transformed both trauma healing and meditation practices with their unique approach. Blending IFS therapy with ancient embodied Buddhist meditation practices, they taught us how to be radically compassionate and whole. They did it with teaching us not to be bypass our humanity or our spirituality. And showed us how to be rooted in spiritual activism while not losing ourSelves in the process. Fundamentally, Ralph shifted collective consciousness in such a relatable way that only an enlightened master teacher could teach us.

Their incarnation was fully human. They lovingly held, witnessed, and compassionately integrated all parts of theirselves into wholeness. And it was Ralph’s genuineness, their realness in fully showing up as human and enlightened - that guided our collective to awaken. They integrated what very few trauma therapists and spiritual teachers ever really have: their humanity, their spirituality, AND the interconnected nature of our shared reality.

Ralph was a true healing artist. Anything I write will not even touch on how deeply they shifted our world. Their teachings and writings were and are somatic, grounding, hysterical, and spiritual. If it was possible to write love letters to humanity through living teachings - this was Ralph's gift.

Seeing a collective problem, Ralph created the solution. They filled the gap between meditation practices often not being Trauma-Informed and how traditional therapy often bypasses spirituality. Ralph bridged the gap and innovated what we know is possible for Self healing, for the healing professions, and collective healing. In fact, their teachings show us that our individual healing is quite interconnected with collective liberation. The three books that Ralph penned, are deeply accessible and relatable trauma teachings for humanity. A Bodhisattva is going to Bodhisattva.

Ralph’s writings taught us how to be fully human, rooted in spiritual activism, and compassionately attend to our personal, ancestral, and collective wounds. Their teachings guided millions and will be a living legacy that generations to come will benefit from. And it was all done without bypassing our humanity or our spirits.

Through the years, Ralph and I shared a close bond as friends, colleagues, and dharmic pen pals. We cheered each other on through collective heartbreak, our love for humanity, and our innovative approaches to healing and wholeness. We found a shared kinship in the space where karma and dharma collide into friendship to the very end.

In "Outshining Trauma: A New Vision of Radical Self-Compassion" Ralph wrote what they came here to teach us: how to liberate ourselves from Trauma in the most radically compassionate and relatable way. This book is medicine for the soul and our collective. So many have tried to teach about compassion and Ralph somehow teaches us neuroscience and trauma healing through the intersection of meditation and parts work.

It’s a combination of Avalokiteśvara’s esoteric teachings on compassion, modernized for the times we are living in, sprinkled with the vulnerable personal stories on their path to enlightenment (wholeness.) If you only ever read one book in your lifetime - please read this one.

True to Ralph's character - they acknowledged our influence on one another and our friendship in the acknowledgements section of their latest book. Yet they never told me about it! They just mailed me their book and gifted it to me like they gifted their medicine to everyone. This was just how they were. Humble, loving, a trickster, and a deep, and fully alive human being. To have known Ralph was to better know myself. And to have even played the smallest part of Ralph's teachings is one of the greatest honors of this and all lifetimes.

Ralph was not only a friend and fellow spiritual warrior - they also were my teacher. In my personal darkest moments, I turned to their teachings to remember my innate wholeness. It was their meditations that kept me alive during a 3am trauma re-activation episode when I couldn't call anyone else. It was Ralph who I talked with when my heart was breaking over humanitarian crises. And it is Ralph who will be missed beyond words. To have a friend that I shared a vision for humanity as we collectively heal and embody our wholeness - was the most sacred gift. And we were friends right until the very end.

When I learned of the news I screamed out in utter agony over the sheer loss of living in a world without Ralph. To know Ralph was to know a world that made sense with them in it. It was a knowing that I and those of us on the Boddhisatva path were not alone in why were were here in this beautiful and often cruel world. And I am so grateful for our time here together. And I'm so sad that they are gone. It was my big-hearted friend Ralph who taught me how to be with both of these states of being. Where I would be without Ralph? Where would humanity be? We benefitted from Ralphs’s teachings and evolved as a species. This is the sacred give that they so graciously gave us.

If I was extremely wealthy, I would spend a lot of money to make sure Ralph’s books were available in libraries everywhere. And a part of me wanted to buy a million of their latest books and put it in hotel nightstands everywhere! Can you even imagine?

As I grieve Ralph what I know is that to have known them at all was a gift. And their legacy - their teachings in their meditations, videos, and books give humanity a path forward. The path is all in their teachings. And their work has and will continue to ripple out in the world. The teachings Ralph created were the highest of fine art. What a legacy!

While some of our parts may be grappling with living in a world without Ralph - what I know for sure is that the world is a better place because Ralph was here. Ralph taught us how to transmute trauma into dharma. And they gave us to keys to both our individual and collective liberation.

Our dharmic map is now at the tips of our fingertips. In our very hands, Ralph left us a way to remember who we really are and who humanity can be. It’s in their books and available in their online dharmic teachings.

Ralphs writings and teachings are the Trauma Survivors guidebook to wholeness. Please search for Ralphs teachings on YouTube, Insight Timer, and their three books:

"Outshining Trauma: A new Vison of Radical Self-Compassion"

"The Monkey is The Messenger: Meditation and What Your Busy Mind is Telling You"

"Don't Tell Me to Relax: Emotional Resilience in the Age of Rage, Feels, and Freak-Outs"

You can find Ralph's books here: https://www.shambhala.com/shop.html?q=ralph+de+la+rosa&tab=products

Ralph's Free YouTube teachings can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/@RalphDeLaRosa108

Ralph's Insight Timer trauma-trained meditations are here: https://insighttimer.com/ralphdelarosa

I will forever be grateful to have known Ralph and will cherish their teachings and friendship,

-Shannon